First of all, there actually is a National Poinsettia Day, and it’s the 12th!
It turns out that long before we were building walls, we were celebrating our “cultural bridges” with Mexico. In America, on National Poinsettia Day, we commemorate Joel Poinsett’s discovery of the plant. In Mexico, they display the poinsettia on the “Day of the Virgin.”
Well, there’s no virgins here. At Nixon & Co, we celebrate this beautiful plant by singing rounds and rounds of “Percy the Puny Poinsettia.”
Seriously. This is a song, although only Kelly knows about it.
It seems the people who brought us “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” also penned this poignant tune with these awe-inspiring words:
Percy the puny poinsettia
Is hanging his bloom in dismay
If they had just kept him wetta
He’d be a houseplant today
I didn’t believe any of this, until now, when I Googled it. Here I found the rest of the lyrics, and wept at how they rhymed “setta” with “wetta,” “redda,” and “betta.”
So I’m just going to move on to the other ways it’s recommended to celebrate this day. The experts offer these three ideas:
Make a poinsettia punch. Confirming my suspicions that the Internet is a scary, scary place, this is actually suggested. Blend together 14 ounces of cranberry juice with 20 ounces of ginger ale. Of course, the main problem here is that this idea exists. The other problem is that it doesn’t call for vodka.
Decorate with poinsettia-inspired designs. Wow, that’s creative. I don’t think I’ll be able to pull that off by the 12th on account of I’m not crafty. And oh yeah, that idea just lulled me into a coma of boredom.
Alas, they say, visit your local botanical gardens and see all the “amazing varieties” of this holiday flower. Maybe this might work. Again, if you add vodka.
Recognizing that all these ideas suck, and still wondering why no one has ever heard of Percy the Puny Poinsettia, the girls thought of other suggestions that might be “betta.”
Give someone a poinsettia. Or initiate a gift-giving tradition, where everyone has to give someone a gift that starts with the first letter of their name. This way, your friend Patty could have her beautiful poinsettia. And Kelly could get her KY Jelly, and Melissa, her marijuana, and Amber, her Ambien. Or an assault rifle. I don’t write this stuff, ladies. I simply report it.
Skip the poinsettia altogether. They never last. Even the ones that aren’t puny. And besides that, they’re poisonous to dogs and cats, and you know how sensitive the girls are about their killer plants. The truth is that poinsettias aren’t actually poisonous.They’re only mildly toxic. (I don’t make this stuff up.) Look for drooling, licking lips, and vomiting. This is in your pets – not you.
Finally, just wear something red. Like these incredible bell-bottom corduroy pants. Well, technically they’re rust. But with the smooth waistline finish and trendy legs, you couldn’t look more stylish. Unless of course, you were holding a poinsettia.
We leave you now to carve out your own National Poinsettia Day festivities. Tell us how you’ll be celebrating. Or just come by and let us know if you’ve ever heard of Percy. Bring your flowers. We’ll bring the vodka.
No, seriously. We’re not talking about refraining from giving people a hard time or a bad attitude. We’re talking about not giving people crap gifts. With the holidays approaching, the girls are taking on some important gift-giving advice. And, specifically, they’re calling a halt to giving crap no one wants.
Rule #1: Only make a gift if you’re talented.
Here, the girls want to be clear: Homemade gifts are lovely. Especially if you are skilled artist or you have access to a loom. Or you’re 5. Or, you’re an award-winning baker with a commercial kitchen. And you don’t allow cats on your counter.
But if none of these qualifiers apply to you, we’re going to need you to set that glue gun down. Unless you’re making a solid living on Etsy, no one wants your crap. Even if you think you make a fantastic wreath (ahem, Melissa), please rethink.
Rule #2: Only give if you mean it.
Another gift-giving guideline involves when you should – or shouldn’t – give. This one comes from Kelly: Only give a gift if your heart is telling you to. Don’t buy a gift (and of course, don’t make a gift) just because you feel obligated. Too many people do this, she says. Instead, give because you love that person and because they enrich your life.
Yeah, says Melissa. Give them an Oreo.
Sometimes these meetings just confuse me. Where’s that wine?
Rule #3: Reuse a gift.
Here, I thought the girls were advising to not re-gift. Of course! Good idea! It is safe to assume that if you don’t want the pink roses Yankee Candle, no one else does either. Get these things out of circulation, along with the gift bags they came in!
Wait! Apparently, this pointer doesn’t involve re-gifting. What the girls were talking about is actually re-using. Uh, ladies… Could you elaborate? Well, they only had one example, and it came from Kelly: Say, if you receive a wreath made of wine corks, pull those suckers off and use them for something else. Like shutting up your mother-in-law on Christmas Day.
Rule #4: Get a cool gift from Nixon & Co.
Finally, the best rule for gift-giving came down to an obvious answer. Shop Nixon & Co in store or online, and you can’t go wrong. The girls agreed: Come into our classic and trendy boutique, or browse pages of stylish ideas here.
Another great gift: The confetti beanie from C.C. Beanies. One size fits all, even if your loved one’s noggin is the size of a melon. And with the comfy fit and plenty of stretch, this hat is practically a party on your head.
Need another idea? Moooo-ove over for this perfect-accessory Cowhide Clutch. The look is rustic yet sophisticated, casual yet classic. A medium size for maximum impact – it’s perfect for cell phones, keys, lipstick, oh, and corks.
In conclusion, with Nixon & Co, and our sage advice, you have options this holiday season. You can not give a crap and celebrate however you want. Or you can give a crap and let people know you care. But what you can’t do is givecrap. Step away from Pinterest, and throw out that glue gun. Give cause you mean it, and give things people actually want.
Come on in. We’ll set down the wine-bottle wreath we’re working on and give you a hand.
It’s Amber’s birthday, the resident Sagittarius. Happy birthday Amber!
This tribute to Amber started with Kelly telling us that those born under the Sagittarius sign are natural wanderers. Kelly says this doesn’t apply to Amber. She never wanders. But Amber herself disagrees. “I am a wanderer,” she says, “But a responsible wanderer.”
I quickly realized how wandering this blog was going to get.
But we forged ahead, in honor of our birthday girl.
The girls read that the Sagittarius is the most peaceful and loving of all the fire signs. This brought them to a round of “This girl is on fire,” but then they got back to business. They read on that Amber is supposed to be generous and idealistic, with a great sense of humor: An enthusiastic extrovert, constantly in touch with the world and possessing an intense curiosity.
Amber was sold. She does have a wandering soul, she says.
“I look at what makes sense at the moment,” she says. “And I’m okay if that changes.”
And if someone told her to jump off a cliff, she would. In fact, she did, she says.
She never got to that story, because this wandering girl veered the subject to one of her latest adventures. A married mom in the suburbs, she followed her intense curiosity on a quest for the most comfortable panties, only available at Sam’s Club.
There she was: Constantly in touch with the world… of intimate apparel at a membership-only retail warehouse. On a mission to buy panties and only panties, she found her size and threw them in the cart, not realizing that the panty packaging looked oddly like a best-selling hardcover. So, extroverted and enthusiastic, she was quick to answer when a passing associate asked her if it was any good. “Hell, yes!” she told him. “Get yourself some today!”
Well, that’s not entirely true. But she is a fan of her Sam’s Club panties.
And this wandering Sagittarius is idealistic with a big heart. Even in travels to Sam’s Club, even in bulk underwear. This girl is on fire.
Which is why Kelly’s been a big fan since they met at Kelly’s former salon in 2006. “I don’t know what I’d be doing today if Amber hadn’t come into my life,” she says.
Aw, it was a sweet moment and I could see how close all three of these ladies are in friendship, respect, partnership, and intense curiosity.
In this case, it was the curiosity of what they wanted for Christmas, and thus they wandered…
Kelly wants a new diamond. Melissa wants a robot vacuum cleaner. “But they’re a million dollars,” she sighs. NO THEY’RE NOT, MELISSA. They’re like $200. You can get them on Amazon, they implore.
Oh, but birthday girl is on to something: She wants a handheld steamer to clean the shower. “You can just use a clothes steamer,” they tell her. “No, it has to be a cleaner steamer,” Amber says. Like we said, she’s idealistic.
What do you want?
So this topic led to a natural wandering to Cyber Monday, and the amazing items available online at Nixon and Company. Kelly says, stay on your couch and check out these incredible styles – and take up to 40% off!
Wait, that was last week’s blog. Or the week before that.
This week, we’re talking about Thanksgiving: How to enjoy it, and how to survive it.
“Like we said,” the girls told me. “Drink wine.”
But we have to elaborate, and you can’t just keep pushing your alcoholic ways, I said, as I reached for my glass.
So the ladies put on their turkey hats and got serious. What’s to say about this holiday that is approaching one week sooner than it should? And how can our readers get in front of this day and make it great? They offered three ways. (They said threeways, not three-ways. Geez!)
Get a tradition.
At Kelly’s house they start every Thanksgiving with a neighborhood game of touch football. The mere thought of this made me want to lose my gravy, but she swore by it. “It’s so much fun!” she said. I couldn’t tell if she was kidding.
Another tradition they have is the annual tablecloth creation and presentation. Every year, she finds her fabric markers (she’s crafty, I’ll tell you) and encourages her guests to write on the cloth what they’re grateful for. Then, each year, she pulls out the last year’s tablecloth and they lament last year’s joys – over wine.
This left the others struggling. Did they have any traditions? Did they do anything special? Did they just suck? Amber offered up a holiday gift tradition she and her daughter do for Christmas, but when it came to Thanksgiving, she brought nothing to the table.
Did Melissa have any traditions? Honestly, she is still thinking about it. (See last week’s blog.)
Get out of your comfort zone.
Does your stuffing have too much stuff in it? Are there foods you won’t eat? Turkey Trots you won’t run? Friends and family you won’t break bread with?
If so, another idea is to give thanks for the opportunity and just say yes. Try that nasty stuffing. Sign up for that crazy Turkey Challenge, and extend your table to all who are hungry.
Leave your crustiness for the Thanksgiving pies, and get out of your comfort zone. Amber knows. She’ll said she’ll eat the stuffing and whatever else is out there, including the turkey gizzards.
“I don’t discriminate,” she said. “Because of the vitamins.”
Screw Black Friday.
Another way to celebrate Thanksgiving? Take a pass on Black Friday.
I almost lost the girls here, when Amber started reminiscing about one of the times she went out on Black Friday. Apparently, she was so determined to buy a trampoline, she literally sat down on it and refused to get up.
“Wow,” the girls exclaimed! “Was this when you were a kid?” they asked in all sincerity.
“No,” she replied. “It was just a few years ago.”
Ah. Where’s that wine?
Anyway, back to the subject, the girls agreed Black Friday is just not worth it.
Kelly asked: Have you ever gotten a deal so good it was worth getting out of your PJs?
And Melissa asked: Why is it called Black Friday?
Shop Cyber Monday
A better option, they said: Drink and relax all weekend, and then sit on your couch and shop on Cyber Monday.
Finally, at the end of day, Thanksgiving is next week. We encourage you to enjoy it and survive it. With gratitude. We ourselves are counting our blessings. And our wine bottles. Cheers and Happy Thanksgiving!
This blog is in honor of Melissa, whose birthday is November 12, and who is turning 30, or 34, or 40, and who is a Scorpio. Or is she?
It turns out, she is, but she isn’t. We’ll get to that later. First: The girls dug deep into all that makes Melissa, Melissa. And in celebration of World Kindness Day, which is also November 12, they were kind enough to share it. So, here we go.
Puns, puns, puns
This is where the title of this blog came from. Melissa loves her puns. As she says, they’re witty commentary! To which Kelly reminds her: But they’re not witty.
I personally think they are, but then again, my humor is questionable. And Melissa is pun-stoppable. We love her for her cheesy sayings and her desire to explain jokes to people who don’t “get it.”
Which reminds me: Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Now that’s funny. And only Melissa is laughing.
I soon learned that bad jokes are the only thing that Melissa arrives at and shares quickly. It seems Melissa is a bit of an overthinker. The girls say, when introduced to a dilemma, an opportunity, a challenge, or even a menu, Melissa contemplates every detail and thinks through every possible outcome. Was this obsessive or an amazing attention to detail? They weren’t sure. But regardless, they told me, when given a “yes or no” question, Melissa’s a definite maybe.
I looked to the birthday girl to see what she thought of this assessment. Turns out, she’s still considering it.
But she promised me this: “I’m not overthinking the fact that I’m 30.”
A not-so-Scorpio Scorpio
At this point, the girls pulled up their phones, in the spirit of kindness, to figure out if Melissa is truly a Scorpio (and perhaps whether all Scorpios told bad jokes and overthought.) Here are their findings:
Scorpios are known for being mysterious. Is Melissa mysterious? Only when it comes to what she’s thinking.
Scorpios are also passionate and protective, and value relationships built on trust. Is this Melissa? Yeah, sure, why not? Sip.
Scorpios are loyal. Here, we were on to something. This is where Melissa finally showed her Scorpio pinchers. Yes, she’s loyal. She’s loyal to the veterans, not only for their service, but because Veterans’ Day coincides with her birthday.
She’s loyal to the state of Wyoming, still insisting she’s a Wyoming Native even though she was only born on an Air Force Base there and moved to Denver as a baby.
She’s loyal to her friends, even though they don’t appreciate her jokes.
But she is loyal, said Kelly. “Like a dog.” Specifically a lab. Because she sheds.
So, Melissa may or may not be a true Scorpio. But she is funny and she is an overthinker. Plus she cuts a mean head of hair. Come in and say hi to this great lady. Maybe you can figure out her real age. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with a question in honor of the birthday girl: