It started with wine. Of course. The girls told me October 4 is National Taco Day. They said, “Lettuce talk about it.” Even though it was “Nacho business.”
I took a sip and dove in.
It turns out tacos are a big hit at Nixon and Company. In fact, Melissa celebrates Taco Tuesday every week. Seriously, every week. “But I mix it up,” she says. Meaning, sometimes they’re made with ground beef, sometimes chicken, and sometimes steak.
So basically, the love of tacos is real. And there are many reasons for it. As they talked, I counted five. Here they are:
They make us happy. Soft, hard-shelled, fish, ready-made, create-your-own, on Tuesdays, or any day of the week. The details didn’t matter. The girls were hard-pressed to narrow down their favorites, and every variation resulted in glee. We were on serious ground. Melissa’s weekly menu was proof.
They’re spicy and easy. Oh, yeah. Who doesn’t love “spicy and easy”? Note to self: Do not make joke here. Do not make joke here. Do not make joke here. Seriously, no innuendos. The girls spilled out the attributes of tacos as easily as others might talk of, I don’t know, their spouses? Their kids? God? They just love tacos, and as fast I could type, I gathered: They’re delicious, crowd-pleasing, versatile, spicy, crunchy, easy to order, easy to make, easy to purchase. Wow, I must admit I had never thought of tacos with such passion. And suddenly, I wanted Mexican.
They’re good with beverages. The girls then quickly turned to all the yummy drinks that go nicely with tacos. In a scene that could only be reminiscent of Bubba’s shrimp diatribe in Forest Gump, the girls said margaritas. Regular margaritas. Margaritas on the rocks. Strawberry margaritas. Mango margarita. Carlos Miguels margaritas. Frozen margaritas. Skinny margaritas. Pre-made margaritas. Home-made margaritas. Margarita recipes…Then Kelly yelled, “Focus chickens! We’re talking about tacos!” Oops.
You can dress up like a taco for Halloween. Thank you, Amber. Thank you for focusing. Yes, this is another of the top five reasons to love tacos. Halloween is coming. And you can indeed dress up like a taco. Moving on.
They’re inspirational. The final praise for tacos: They inspire us to reveal our feelings. To tell the truth about our needs, even if it means sacrificing other foods. To just do it. (Hmm-hmmm: Controversial Nike reference). Anyway. Our love of tacos gives us the courage to stand behind our taco pride with confidence. Like by wearing this shirt.
Gets yours here!
In the end
Eventually, the wine dried up, and the topic of tacos reached its natural end. At which time, Amber said, “Okay? So?” I thought this meant did I have any more questions. But she was actually saying, “Queso.” Didn’t I get it?
She said, “Yeah! We can’t stop taco-ing about it.” And then they laughed. And they found more wine.
Cheers they said! To National Taco Day!
We all like to think we’re good people with good taste, and that it would be a good thing to live next door to us. But, in celebration of National Good Neighbor Day, September 28, we’re challenging all of us to give this some thought. Are we good neighbors?
Now let’s be clear. All neighbors are guilty of day-to-day transgressions. Letting your trash blow into your neighbor’s yard. Encouraging your adorable children to play outside your neighbor’s home office. Folding up your neighbor’s drainage pipe every time it rains. These things happen!
We’re talking about serious deviations that make people bad — The kind that make us raise our glasses to potential moving vans. So, look inward here and see if you’re a bad neighbor. Here are four ways to tell.
You lay claim to the open lot. Consider this: There’s an empty space between your house and your closest neighbor. Does this mean the lot just hasn’t sold yet or it’s “designated open space”? Or does this mean you have bonus storage space? If you answered the latter, you may be a bad neighbor. This is not an extension of your driveway, in case the curb and grass didn’t tip you off. Please move your cars and crap and be nice.
You take “free” stuff and sell it. Okay, suppose your neighbor puts something in his driveway with a big sign that reads “free.” You know this is his attempt to clean house. You also know this is a gift to those less fortunate. But, what this is not is a business opportunity. If you take the free merchandise and sell it yourself on Craig’s List, you may just be a bad neighbor. If you pocket the money and never mention it to your neighbor, you may be even worse.
You steal. This is a variation of our first two bad neighbor behaviors. But this covers all the other territory of simply taking anything that’s not yours. If your sticky fingers attach themselves to things that don’t belong to you, you may be a bad neighbor. This includes newspapers. Mail. Wood. Amazon packages. Furniture cushions. Wi-fi. The soap dispenser at Nixon and Company. You know who you are.
You make bad decisions. There’s no shortage of examples here. If any of these sound like you, well, your neighbors may be the ones slipping you flyers about the value of your house:
- You “throw way” your dog’s poop in your neighbor’s garage.
- There’s a Lazy-Boy recliner on your front porch.
- When you see your neighbor stranded with a broken-down car, you keep driving.
- When you neighbor rings your doorbell, you hide.
- You keep your dogs outside all day to bark.
- And this is your idea of outdoor décor:
You get the idea. If this is you, please stop.
Instead, let’s all celebrate Good Neighbor Day by being good neighbors! Still confused? Here are some ways people are good neighbors:
- They open their doors and welcome you to wine. Like our neighbors we love, Crush Wine Bar.
- They have fully stocked kitchens, and they always have that ingredient you’re missing.
- They keep their schedules, needs, children, hands, tastes, Craig’s List accounts, and opinions to themselves. Mwah! The less we know, the more we love!
- They have style. You see them coming and going gorgeously, like in this Teal Classic Cardigan.
So, on National Good Neighbor Day, celebrate with us. Stay good. And if you’re not good, take steps to change. You don’t want to be a subject of this blog.
No kidding. It’s not. The subject is repetitive (it does happen every year, ladies. Duh). It’s also confusing. One day it’s 90 degrees, the next day it’s bleak and cold. The inconsistency wears on people, and we’re already dreading the “Uggs and Shorts” combos.
We’re not joking here. These are indeed both dull and scary times. To get through it all, we’re just going to talk it out. Right here.
Fall brings out all the feels
While fall is boring, it still comes with heated debate. Basically, the question in the air is “Are we ready for it?” Some of us are putting the brakes on September. Others couldn’t ingest their pumpkin faster if they free-based it.
And the mere mention of fall brings out all the opinions, no matter how diverse.
Amber says: I wish people would stop putting out their fall decorations so soon.
Kelly says: Why does King Soopers already have Christmas stuff out?
Melissa says: I’m excited to “fall” into my new hat.
To which Kelly replies: Stop, Melissa, you’re such a cheese head.
But in all seriousness
Fall is here September 22nd, whether we’re ready or not. And, despite the bad judgment of our local grocery store, Kelly says we’re ready. (And what Kelly says, goes. See last week’s blog: “I’m not a b@$!h. I’m a Virgo.”)
So, all kidding aside, we’re here to help you embrace the season. It’s time to update your wardrobe, cast aside summer, and bring in the fall. If your ability to shift gears is a little rusty, don’t fear. Rust is in! Check out these fall fashions at Nixon and Company:
Like these comfy, stylish boyfriend corduroy slouch pants – in rust! Slouch means you can wear them and still have some fall apple pie. “Boyfriend” means you’ll always love them – even after the next boyfriend pair comes along.
Another great fall color – green. In fact, we love o-luv. These amazing fedoras are classic and fun. Plus they let you go a whole other day without shampooing. Check out this one here.
And, finally, fall wouldn’t feel right without slipping into jeans: Ripped, Cropped and Skinny. (Hey, those should be the alter-egos of Kelly, Amber, and Melissa the next time they go to Vegas? I like it!) Seriously, we have the styles. Shop online or in the store!
Alas, put the shorts away.
No matter how you feel about it, fall is here and these looks are hot, hot, hot. We hope we’ve inspired you to throw on some layers and put the shorts away. Even though, technically, in Colorado, you could still wear shorts in winter.
Shorts in winter? What? Amber says: I don’t even wear my shorts in summer.
Focus Amber. The topic is fall.
And it’s here. Bring on the football, the leaves, the decorations, and the pumpkin Oreos. Break out the wine. It’s not funny. But it’s happening.
And so begins this entry in honor of Kelly Nixon’s birthday, which was September 9th.
This means we’re posting this late, and we missed posting it on or before the actual day. So, while that’s bad, it also shows our incompetence, which is a nice segue into the things all Virgos can’t stand. So Happy Birthday Kelly! To celebrate, we’re delving into other aspects of your special Virgo-ness and all the things that make you tick!
Anal and obsessive
Now, Kelly might tell you this is just another way of saying “detail-oriented” and “precise.” But I did notice how fast Google auto-populates “Is Virgo more likely…” with “to have OCD?” (The answer, by the way, is “Oh God, Yes.”) Turns out, Virgos are known as the perfectionists of the zodiac. So, it’s not just Kelly who will repeatedly tug on your hair during a cut to make sure the sides are even. It’s all Virgos. But we’ll take it, because Damn straight, even hair is awesome!
A little less conversation, a little more action
It was just a matter of time before we quoted an Elvis song, but here you have it. Another trait about Virgos is that they are no talk, all action. If Kelly comes off abrupt because she’s not slowing down to chat, don’t think she’s bitchy. She’s just a Virgo and she has things to do. When she is chatty, she’s usually reeling off solutions to the world’s problems. And she’s doing it all as she’s applying your foils.
Frustrated by incompetence and stupidity
Don’t be the person who doesn’t do what they’re supposed to do. Don’t say you do and don’t. Don’t act like you will and won’t. Blatant crappy behavior? Kelly don’t play that game. With her and all Virgos, this simply won’t do. For example, don’t post a September 9th blog on September 10th . Just saying.
Stands their ground
Finally, our birthday girl – like her Virgo sisters – is indeed bossy. But only in the name of getting things done. And she may be cold, but only because she’s cautious. She’s obsessive, but only in the way that’s tenacious. She stands her ground, but only in the best shoes. Like these amazing Open Toe Silver Heels.
Bottom line: We’ll be the first to tell you. Kelly’s not a bitch. She’s a Virgo. And so was Mother Teresa. We love her, and she cuts a mean head of hair. Come in and say Happy Birthday. Even after September 3rd. We incompetent non-Virgos will have your back.
The first Friday in September is Lazy Moms Day. Is this like National Unicorn Day?
Last we checked, there were no lazy moms. Who thought of this title? A man? We’ve tried to find some lazy moms to gear up for this day, but the moms we found were running off to work, backed up in the Kiss & Go lane, or figuring out how to add partial sums. So, we had to dig deeper.
About Lazy Moms Day
Alas, it turns out, Lazy Moms Day is not a celebration of Lazy Moms. It’s a celebration of moms and a national decree bearing them the right to be lazy. For one whole day. True, this is better. But, we have our doubts. Let’s break this down.
First: We say laziness is lady’s choice.
We moms have literally created a whole human being inside ourselves. We wrecked our bodies, and then pushed it out only to have it backtalk us for the rest of our lives.
While we may not be sane, we are committed. And we are the rock stars of humanity. Based on this, we’ll tell you when we need a day to be lazy. It will be on our terms. And it won’t be once a year.
Second: Why do we need a national decree?
Here’s a national decree: “We’re tired.” It takes a lot of effort to Lean In. To keep track of our “Me too” moments. To manage work and childcare and to make 80 cents on the dollar. Now we have to track goofy holidays? We appreciate the nod, but really? Sniff, sniff… I smell a man close by.
Third: If we even wanted to be lazy, we’d have to work for it.
Getting to be lazy can’t just happen for we moms. It’s not as easy as making a tee time and going. For moms, it’s different. For example, this is what we must do just to leave town for a day (without being followed):
- Ensure kids’ transportation is not a cover for an international sex trafficking ring
- Pack nutritious and convenient lunches in advance (so they can be forgotten and kids can “starve” and blame you)
- Shop for and prepare ready-to-heat meals (so they can be forgotten and whole family can go to McDonalds)
- Make list of emergency contacts in case of sex trafficking
- Coordinate pet care because family will forget
- Hire help because family will forget
- Sign permission slips so they can be forgotten
- Anticipate last-minute laundry needs because of what family has forgotten
- Create to-do list so family doesn’t forget
- Alert neighbors about your absence (and potential sex trafficking threat)
Whew. It might be easier just to not relax. Even if it were National Relaxation Day, which, by the way, has passed.
So really: Is Lazy Moms Day really going to work?
They say we moms are supposed to celebrate the day by taking a holiday from laundry, dishes, bathroom cleaning, and car pools. It does sound grand, doesn’t it. But in reality, we think taking a break from any of these tasks will mean just doing more the next day. I don’t know about you, but I’m sensing more clothes piled up, more dishes in the sink, and even more piss around the rim. And honestly, I bet they’ll throw in one more kid to pick up. Maybe someone we don’t even know. See, trafficking.
Knowing this, it’s probably best for all of us if we celebrate as briskly as possible in a way that’s least likely to loosen our work saddle break up the routine. We say: Shop.
Come in and visit us or shop online for some amazing looks you deserve. Don’t wait for someone to go out and get you something. Just do it yourself. You’re a mom. And if anyone asks you whether you’re going to be lazy, we have the perfect shirt to wear in response.
Cheers to you, you lazy mom. We salute you!
What the heck? It’s Labor Day already? We don’t know about you, but we think this celebration comes on so fast, it should be called “Going into Labor Day.” Seriously. We just covered Memorial Day, and – aside from being able to send those pesky kids back to school – we say it’s way too soon to mark the end of summer. That’s why we’re rebelling. Here’s how to join us.
- Keep calling it summer.
First, who says Labor Day is the closing parenthesis of summer? Is this the Catskills in the 1960s? Our under-boobs are still sweating, and it’s still technically summer through September 22. Based on this, our first act of rebellion is to just keep on summering past the three-day weekend. In fact, we may even plan a family trip. Kids in school and can’t go? These are details we’re willing to overlook. We’re rebels!
- Wear white.
Ugh. The old rule that says you can’t wear white past Labor Day? It’s another limitation circa Dirty Dancing. Well, we say nobody puts our favorite whites in a corner. We’re gonna wear the hell out of them! We may be even buy more. You can too. For example, get this White Hoodie Muscle Shirt and dare someone to say summer’s over.
Another white you’ll love past August: These hip White Cutout Joggers. These bottoms are stylish and functional – you can break the rules and then run away! You go, our summer sister!
- Jump in pools.
Oh, you know it. We’re going there. We don’t care if they already hosted “Doggie Dive 2018.” Or that they drained the water. We’re getting our tax dollars’ worth, and we’re climbing the fence. The fact that neighborhood pools close after Labor Day is further proof that they’re pushing summer out and rushing fall in.
Join us in boycotting this closure. Come lay with us on the hot concrete slab and enjoy the silence! It’s still summer! And we deserve our pool time!
But we’ll stop right here.
While Labor Day is here too soon, we are willing to concede to a few Labor Day customs. Remember: We’re rebellious. But we’re never stupid.
Knowing this, here are some things about Labor Day we will embrace:
- The barbeque, picnic and party.
- Sending the kids to school.
- All Labor Day wine and beer sales
We’re so fair!
In conclusion, my ladies of summer. Join us getting the most of this season, right up through the damn solstice. Do not cut short our days in the sun. We’re just getting warmed up!
No, not you, you sexy 12th grader. Although with the senior pic poses these days, we could mean high school seniors. But head back to class, saucy minors. The people we’re actually talking to are sexy senior citizens!
This is because it’s Senior Citizen Day, August 21! On this special day, we want to show our respect.
Because … we see you there.
There’s no need to bedazzle your walker. Unless of course, you want to. We’re happy to help. But we want you to know we do see you. We know you often get the rub (And we don’t mean the good kind.) The truth is the jokes are often on you. Do you pick pants or diapers? That DEPENDS! Aggh! Thanks for that, Amber!
All kidding aside, seniors take some serious heat. And we’re here to call bull$&!*
Because… we love seniors.
Advanced older adults are awesome. We admire their perspective, their grit, their spunk, and specifically, their ability to not give a crap. These are folks who have seen the same trends come and go through decades and they know not to get their panties in a wad. (Of course, that’s because many of them no longer wear panties). Regardless, our seniors are the smartest among us and we want to celebrate them!
So what can we do?
Amber knows! Wheelchair races! Great idea! But, the Egg & I won’t let us use their parking lot, it’s not really appropriate.
How about wine? Thanks Kelly! That’s always a great idea. But, we think your other plan might be the best:
30% off – all day!
Sexy seniors, come in on August 21 and celebrate your sexy senior-ness with 30% off all products! Not sure what to get? We can help.
We’re not talking about your tried-and-true Aqua-net. We have products that will add shine to your silver and va-voom to your do! Come see what all the fuss is about!
More ways to celebrate Senior Citizen Day?
Whether it’s racing, or wine, or saving, the point is this, our senior friends: On this day, take the time to appreciate all that you are and all that you know. Here are more ways to celebrate your aging self:
Invest in you. While you’re stocking up on product at Nixon and Company, browse our boutique. We have amazing wares for ladies of all ages. We’re multi-generational! Check out this versatile Kantha Bead Necklace. Wear it long or wrap it for a layered look.
And this easy-access Tadesse Bucket Bag. Wear it over the shoulder or over your body.
Make fun of young people. Another way to celebrate: Give em crap right back. You get to hear all the jokes about your driving, your slowness, and your tendency to start every conversation with “back in my day…” So instead, turn the tables. Google “Millennials Memes” and get the party started.
Mess with young people. When you grow tired of laughing at the younger generations, turn it up a notch. Ask your daughter whether King Soopers sells condoms. Ask your grandson if you can borrow a vape pen. Pour yourself some wine and give them something to talk about.
Finally, old dear friend, we love you. Come in for 30% off. And if you’re not a senior, then find a senior and do something nice for them. Show them the respect they deserve, or you won’t win the race of life. In a wheelchair or not.
If you’re like us, your pace is a mile a minute, and if you slow down for one fraction of a second, the wheels are gonna fall off. Relax? Are you kidding? While you’re at it, you’ll also have a crumpet with the queen after your polo match.
But still, National Relaxation Day is coming up. So even if you’re wound tighter than the Spanx you accidentally threw in the dryer, you should at least try to chill out, even just a little. Let’s unpack this, shall we?
First, this is legit.
They say National Relaxation Day stemmed from a UK holiday called “Slackers’ Day,” which I’m just going to say sounds much easier to get behind. Regardless, on this day, we encourage you to somehow find the perfect way to relax. Dig deep here.
Kelly suggests a hot and tender approach using an instrument of loving heat. It involves soft strokes with just enough firm pressure to experience the impact. Relax and feel the straight…
Whoa! Not that, you dirty girl. We’re talking about a BLOW-OUT.
This relaxing service demands you sit and do nothing but enjoy the pampering. And it leaves you looking awesome. You may even be more inclined to do what you had in mind in the first place. Make an appointment here. For the blow-out, silly. Not the sex. That’s a whole other website. Clear your cookies, ladies.
Beyond the blow-out, here are more ways to embrace this day.
Wine, wine, and more wine. This was Kelly’s next answer. Of course, she thought the question had turned to “What’s for breakfast?” But seriously, she still said wine. And for good reason. For so many of us it’s the number-one way to relax. And we don’t even need a national holiday for it. Bottoms up.
Shopping. We’re not going to lie. Retail therapy always tames the savage beast. And this doesn’t have to involve a trip to the mall and painful crowds. For example, you can browse our boutique. The atmosphere is calm and soothing and we’re always here to help. If you’re so relaxed you can’t make it in, you can also shop online. Sip your wine as you look for more perfect outfits to relax in. Like this Dusty Pink Soft Cardigan. Now that’s cozy.
Take a long bath. Another idea: Step away from the chaos and fill up the tub. Crate the kids Make sure the kids are safe, then lock the door and make sure they can’t find you. Then lose yourself in the hot steam. This works for 99% of women. But not if you’re Amber, who claims baths make her too hot. Then try a cold shower. The point it: Escape and relax!
Skip it all together. Another approach to this day? Simply say no. As Melissa says, “I don’t relax.” Perhaps you too are fed a steady diet of food poisoning, children, demands, deadlines and anxiety that you don’t relax either. This is fine! If we know anything, it’s that we can’t keep caving to society and these fabricated holidays. If we’re not ready to relax, screw it. Pour the coffee and keep the wheels on the bus!
At the end of the day, ladies, do what you gotta do. Buy the wine, fill the tub, or fill your shopping cart. Celebrate the day by relaxing – or not relaxing – the way you want! Like in these Sage Drawstring Joggers. So comfy, you won’t want to take them off. Or someone else may want to. You know, after you get that blow-out.
It is sad that so many of us seem to struggle with this. It’s even sadder that there are bestsellers out there to help. And a Real Simple magazine. Now there’s even a national celebration called Simplify Your Life Week. (And, of course, we know about it.)
This should be, well, simple. To simplify your life, just quit your job, step away from the mortgage, and lock the kids outside. Bam! Your life is now simple! But wait, you’re also unemployed, homeless, and incarcerated. There is the downside.
But it is still possible to simplify. And we have four tips that should make it a little easier. And less illegal.
First things first: Narrow down your wine order
You know what complicates life? Having too many options for your wine order. Can you imagine the hours you are wasting in the aisles of Sam’s Club? Or the precious moments you are spending wondering if you’re in a spicy, dry, fruity, or nutty mood. You know you represent them all – at all times.
To simplify, keep your order straight-forward. Have a go-to answer: Merlot. Period. Or: White. Any. Or do like we do. When someone says “wine?” We simply say “Yes.” Easy peasy.
Simplify your wardrobe
Another way to make life simple is by un-complicating your clothes. Now we’re not talking specifically about Garanimals. (My young readers, this was a kids’ clothing line established in 1972. Ask your parents.)
Also, we don’t expect you to wear children’s clothing. (At least not out in public. But if you’ve been that successful on your diet that you fit into kids’ sizes, well, kudos to you.)
But really, what we’re talking about is the “fool-proof simplicity” of items that can be easily mixed and matched by any preschooler. Even our own.
We need to stop making good style difficult. Instead, we need to think simplicity. Pick quality items that can be worn alone or paired with others. Invest in a “look” that’s right for you and start building a stable of pieces. Pardon the animal pun. Start shopping here.
Get a great haircut and style
Now we’re just guessing here. But we’re willing to go out on a limb (animal reference) and say that your everyday routine doesn’t allow for trolling YouTube for how-to-get-the-perfect blow-out tutorials. Those pesky jobs/kids/families really put a dent in that, but that’s another story. Not to mention the other videos you could be searching regarding “blowing.” But we digress.
The fact is no one has time for complicated routines and learning curves. Invest in a quality cut and style that’s in line with the natural properties of your hair and the unnatural demands of your people. Leave complicated for your relationships, and keep your hair simple.
Streamline your shopping
Finally, know that driving all around God’s creation searching for the cutest clothes just takes up too much time and energy – time and energy that could be spent drinking wine. Or helping us identify national holidays.
Instead, simplify your life by buying all your clothes here. Or online here. Tops, bottoms, skirts, dresses, even coats, and shoes, and jewelry, gifts and accessories – we have it all. And of course, they’re the best around. Plus, you’ll master a stylish look that comes together naturally, without even Garanimals labels.
Bottom line: With all the crap we’ve got going on, and those needy jobs/kids/families that surround us, we have to do what we can to make life easier and simpler. Plus, we shouldn’t need a national week to remind us that less is more. Let’s get out there ladies, and take it down a notch. Relax and a pour a glass of wine. And don’t even ask what kind.
Ain’t it the truth?
When we’re not styling hair and selling our amazing wares in our boutique and online, we’re spending time with the friends who have changed our whole lives. And, oh, how we love them.
August 5th is National Friendship Day. Okay, the truth: When we’re not styling hair and selling wares, we’re looking up this $#% on our phones. Regardless, National Friendship Day is approaching, and we’re celebrating our best friends. Join us in raising our glasses to…
The friends who know where we hid the bodies
Well, maybe not that extreme. But you know what we mean. Our friends know us well – our secrets, our dark thoughts, and our bad deeds. And they love us anyway!
You know your friendship is deep when you both hate the same things. Plus, when you’re considering pushing your boyfriend/husband/child off a cliff, a friend will know all your reasons why. Hell, your friend will even help you push. That’s love!
Friends in crime, we salute you! We also salute…
The friends who will tell us the truth
Is today’s lunch in our teeth? Do those jeans make us look fat? Did our husband really deserve to be pushed off a cliff? We love that friends will agree with everything we say (even if they know we’re wrong). But they’ll also tell us the truth. And because they’re not our parents, children, or significant others, we might just listen!
Friendships are built on honesty, trust, and communication. Along with bad decisions and things we agree to not speak of. We honor our friends who will tell us like it is, or at least agree to not mention it. Cheers! We also love…
The friends who are always there
They come in all forms. The ones we see every day, or the ones we haven’t talked to in years. But we call them out of nowhere and pick up just where we left off.
We all have those people we’ve cried with, fought with, travelled across the country with, and of course laughed with. Probably so hard that snot came out your nose. Or we peed. (Just a little bit.) Or we even pooped. Wait. That wasn’t because we were laughing. It was because of e. coli. Of course! Since we’re friends, we’ll go with that.
Finally, on National Friendship Day, we toast to…
The friends who could star with us on our own reality show
You know you have those friends, and you know you’ve thought about it. With the crazy $#% you talk about, you both should be in a show. Airing Mondays. After Bachelor Pad.
Because what you and your friends have done, you know you couldn’t possibly make up. And wouldn’t it be downright stupid entertaining to share it on network television? What a cash cow, and what great ratings. Of course, there’d be more dead bodies to explain. But good friendships always stay strong. Even in prison.
So, in conclusion, happy National Friendship Day. Celebrate the day by reaching out to your friends – old and new – and telling them how much they mean. Give them a hug, show your love, or just help them push someone off a cliff. Let them know they are one classy bitch. We’ve even got a card for that.
Or check out our new timeline cards, which let you create the most personal message possible and save it for eternity. And these cards can even be read out loud at the gift exchange. Which is almost as good as having a reality show.
Until next time, our dear friends, mwah! We love you! Happy National Friendship Day!